The Eusa Story

(English translation by Raja Thiagarajan, assisted by Julie England)

1. When Mr. Clever was Big Man of England they had everything clever. They had boats in the air and pictures on the wind and everything like that. Eusa was a knowing man, very quick; he could turn his hand to anything. He was working for Mr. Clever when there come enemies all round and making War. Eusa said to Mr. Clever, Now we'll need machines of War. We'll need boats that go on the water and boats that go in the air as well and we'll need Bursting Fire.
2. Mr. Clever said to Eusa, There are too many against us this time, we must do better'n that. We keep fighting all these Wars; why don't we just do One Big One? Eusa said, Where do I find that Number? Where do I find that One Big One? Mr. Clever said, You must find the Little Shining Man the Atom; he runs in the wood.
3. Eusa said, There ain't all that much wood round here; it's mostly iron, it's mostly stone. Mr. Clever said, You must find the wood in the heart of the stone and you will find it by the dancing in the stone and the particle tracks.
4. Eusa was a knowing man; he knowed how to bigger the small and he knowed how to smaller the big. He knowed the door of the stone and the particle tracks. He smallered his self down to it; he gone into particles of it. He took two great dogs with him; their names were Folleree and Folleroo. Eusa turned them loose; he put them to the stone and casting for particle tracks and to the dancing.
5. Found the sign of dancing on particle tracks they dogs and followed harking one to the other hot and clicking and counting the geigers and the molecules of stone. Smaller and smaller they grown with Eusa into the heart of the stone, heart of the dance. Everything blipping and bleeping and moving in the shifting of the Numbers. Sometimes biting, sometimes bit.
6. Come to the wood in the heart of the stone. The stone sky gone dark the stone wind gone still. The dogs gone cringe-y then and whimpered. Eusa said to the dogs, Go on the track and find.
7. The dogs stood up on their hind legs and talking like men. Folleree said, Looking for the One, you will always find the Two. Folleroo said, The Two is twice as bad as the One. Eusa said, I won't be told by animals. He beat the dogs and on they gone.
8. In the dark wood Eusa seen a track of light; he followed it. He come to the Hart of the Wood; it was the Stag of the Wood, it was the 12-Point Stag, stood to face him and stamping its feet. On the stag's head stood the Little Shining Man the Atom in between the horns with arms outstretched and each hand holding to a horn.
9. Eusa said to the Little Man, You must be the Atom then. The Little Man said, I must be what I must be. Eusa was angry then; he was enraged because he had a shooting weapon but the Little Man wouldn't even cover his self. He stood naked with his arms outstretched between the horns.
10. Eusa took his weapon in his hand; he said to the stag, Why don't you run? You know what I am going to do. The stag said, Eusa, you are talking to the Hart of the Wood. Nothing will run from you anymore, but time to come and you will run from everything.
11. Eusa shooting the Stag with his weapon and down it come. Eusa grabbed the Little Man by his two outstretched arms and held him like twitching for water with a hazel.
12. Eusa said to the Little Man the Atom, I need to know the Number of the One Big One and you must tell me it. The Little Man the Atom he said, You do know it Eusa; it's in you the same as it's in me. Eusa said, I don't know it; you must tell it to me. The Little Man said, Eusa you know what that One Big One is; it's the Number of the Master Changes; I don't have no word to tell it. Eusa said, If you won't tell in One, maybe you'll tell in Two. Eusa was pulling on the Little Man's outstretched arms. The Little Man said, Eusa you are pulling me apart. Eusa said, Tell.
13. Eusa was angry, he was enraged, and he kept pulling on the Little Man the Atom's outstretched arms. The Little Man the Atom he begun to come apart; he cried, I want to go I want to stay. Eusa said, Tell more. The Atom said, I want to dark, I want to light; I want to day, I want to night. Eusa said, Tell more." The Atom said, I want to woman, I want to man. Eusa said, Tell more. The Atom said, I want to plus I, I want to minus; I want to big, I want to little; I want to all, I want to nothing.
14. Eusa said, Stop right there; that's the Number I want. I want that all or nothing Number. The Little Man the Atom, he couldn't stop though. He was dead. Pulled in two like he was a chicken. Eusa screamed; he felt like his own belly been pulled in two and everything rushing out of him.
15. Out of the two pieces of the Little Shining Man the Atom there come shiningness in waves, in spreading circles. Wivvering and Wavering and humming with a high sound. Lighting up the dark wood. Eusa seen the Little One going round and round inside the Big One and the Big One humming round inside the Little One. He seen the Master Changes of the One Big One. Quick then he written down the Numbers of them.
16. The dogs howled and a wind come up. The dead leaves whirled and rattled like dead birds flying. The great dogs stood on their hind legs and talking like men again. They said, Eusa all the many leaves as rattled, that's how many people you will kill. Then the dogs begun to tell of time to come. They said, The land will die and the people will eat one another. The water will be poison and the people will drink blood.
17. Eusa killed both dogs; he shot them dead. The shining and the light gone out, the wood gone darker nor the darkest night. Eusa couldn't see nothing; he stumbled out of the wood and to the stone and out again nor never looked behind him.
18. Eusa had the Numbers of the Master Changes. He run them through the Power Ring; he made the One Big One. Eusa put the One Big One in bombs, then him and Mr. Clever dropped so much bombs they killed as many of their own as they killed enemies. They won the War, but the land was poison from it; the air and water as well. People didn't just die in the War; they kept dying after it was over. Mr. Clever didn't care; it was all the same to him, poison was meat and drink to him; he was that hard. Eusa with his wife and two little sons gone looking for another place to live.
19. Everything was black and rotten. Dead people, and pigs eating them, and the pigs died. Dog packs after people and people after dogs to eat them the same. Smoke going up from burning everywhere. Eusa with his family gone to the captain of a boat and Eusa give him money to take them away. The captain said, Money is no good any more. Eusa thought he looked like the Little Shining Man; he wasn't sure, though. There were heavy men on the boat; they took Eusa's wife, they threw Eusa and his two little boys off. Eusa standing on the shore watching that boat pull away with his wife and nothing he could do.
20. Bad Time it was then. People didn't know if they would be alive one day to the next. Didn't even know if they'd be alive one minute to the next. Some stuck together, some didn't. Sometimes they drew lots. Some got et so others could live. Couldn't be sure of nothing, didn't know what was safe to eat or drink, and trying to keep wide of other foragers and dogs; it was nothing only Luck if anyone stayed alive.
21. Eusa and his boys on their own, they weren't with anyone else. Eusa wouldn't go near no others; he was afeared if anyone might know him. Eusa dursn't sleep much; the boys were too little to stand guard long. Mostly Eusa just closed his eyes a little at a time, never long. He didn't like to sleep much anyhow; he was afeared he might pull his self in two like he done the Little Shining Man. Plus, many times he seen two great dogs on their track; he didn't want to get snuck by them.
22. One day Eusa was holed up in a bombed-out place by the river. He was so tired he told his two little boys to keep lookout and he closed his eyes. Eusa heard a silence then like his ears closed up. He opened his eyes; he thought he was dreaming. He seen the Little Shining Man in two pieces. The Right side of him had the neck and head; the Left side of him had his cock and balls. Each half wasn't hopping on its one leg; it was walking like it was together with the other half. The two pieces of the Little Shining Man were walking between the two great dogs which were Folleree and Folleroo the same.
23. The talking half of the Little Man said to Eusa's two little boys, Are you hungry? They said, Yes. He said, Come with me then; I will give you something. Off they gone, one with Folleree and one with Folleroo. One heading towards the river, one away from it, and each with half of the Little Shining Man.
24. Eusa said, This is a dream. He opened up his eyes but they been open already. Eusa couldn't wake up no more'n he already was. Eusa called the dogs by name; he whistled them back, but they wouldn't come. He called the Little Man, but neither half would turn round. He called his two boys; they kept going as well; they wouldn't look back.
25. Eusa run after them as were heading towards the river. They gone into the water, and swimming across, and Eusa after them. Eusa tried to swim, but his arms gone heavy, and no strength in his legs. He had to turn back then; everything gone black for him.
26. Eusa was lying on the ground by the river. There appeared to him then the Little Shining Man; he was in one piece. Eusa said, Why aren't you in two pieces? The Little Man said, Eusa I am in two pieces. It is only the idea of me that come together. You are looking at the idea of me and I am it. Eusa said, What is the idea of you? The Little Man said, It is what it is. I ain't the knowing of it; I'm just only the showing of it.
27. The Little Man said, Eusa what is the idea of you? Eusa couldn't say anything. The Little Man said, You don't have to say what it is. Just say if it is. Eusa still couldn't say anything.
28. Eusa said, Never mind that; where are my two little boys? The Little Man said, Eusa, they gone two different ways away from you. Eusa said, You took them away. The Little Man said, Well Eusa, it makes a change, doesn't it? Eusa said, What do you mean?
29. The Little Man said, Eusa you wanted the Master Changes and this is one of them. In the wood in the heart of the stone, you pulled me in two; you opened me like a chicken. You let the Numbers of the Master Changes out. Now you must go through them all.
30. Eusa said, I know I done what I done, and I wish I hadn't, but I'm through with all that now; I just want to live quiet. The Little Man said, Eusa, you ain't through with all that; you're only just beginning. You've got all the Master Changes in front of you. You've got them all to go through.
31. Eusa said, Is this a dream? The Little Man said, No. Eusa said, Was the other a dream then? When I had a wife and children? The Little Man said, No Eusa, that wasn't no dream, nor this ain't no dream. It's all one thing, nor you can't wake up out of it. Eusa said, I can die out of it though, can't it? The Little Man said, Eusa you die out of this place and you'll just find me in another place. You'll find me in the wood, you'll find me on the water, like you found me in the stone. You look anywhere and I'll be there.
32. Eusa said, Was it you the captain of the boat that took away my wife? The Little Man said, Probably it was. Eusa said, Why can't you leave me alone? The Little Man said, Eusa, we're two halves of one thing, you and me. I can't leave you alone no more than you could leave me alone. I never come looking for you, did I Eusa. It was you come looking for me that time when you killed the Hart of the Wood in the heart of the stone and you found me. You let the Changes out and now you've got to go on through them.
33. Eusa said, How many Changes are there? The Little Man said, You must know all about that; I seen you write the Numbers down in the heart of the wood. Eusa said, That writing is long gone and all the Numbers have gone out of my mind; I don't remember nothing of them. Won't you please tell me how many Changes there are? The Little Man said, As many as Required. Eusa said, Required by what? The Little Man said, Required by the idea of you. Eusa said, What is the idea of me? The Little Man said, That we don't know till you've gone through all your Changes.